Why is it that going through Menopause raises hell in a woman's body. Haven't we had enough with child birth? I think God should have given this one to men so they could share the burden.
Usually my cycles are in sync with my girls. It happens simultaneously, crabby behavior and missing tampons. Soon after, a mysterious crop of acne will appear on my face and I know what is coming next. Several months ago God forgot to sprinkle the infield, and my cycle mysteriously disappeared. That’s odd, I thought to myself. Maybe my timing is off. The next month the routine started and again, I missed my cycle. Then it hit me.
HOLY SHIT I AM GOING THROUGH MENOPAUSE.
Just like that, I felt old. My girls thought it was a good thing for me that I didn’t have to be bothered with all the rigormoroll (is that a word?)
“Mom just think, you won’t be crabby, you won’t get zits, and you won’t have to worry about carrying tampons.”
I just stared at them in disbelief. They clearly didn’t understand and why would they? They were 16 and 17 with their entire lives ahead of them. I wanted to yell at them that I didn’t know what was coming first, Weight Watchers, support hose, or diapers. I didn’t. I remembered back when my mom and her friends started going through menopause and how old they seemed to be. I couldn’t even imagine being in their place.
Soon after, the hot flashes started. Dressed in layers, one by one they would come off as I stripped my outfit down to my t-shirt. My napkin at dinner became my fan. My bed got stripped daily. The sad thing, I didn’t feel as sexy.
The next mistake I made was getting on the scale. Forever, I have been 5ft 6 inches tall at 134 pounds. Recently, I noticed that my clothes were getting snug. I couldn’t remember eating anything out of the ordinary? When I looked down at the needle on the scale, I couldn’t believe what I saw, 144 pounds. WHAT? Surely someone was playing a cruel trick on me and leaning on the back of the scale.
I looked around, no one.
I reached over and grabbed the bathroom counter; phew the needle went down to 125 pounds. Now I would ever so slowly lift my hand off the counter, finger by finger and open my eyes. One hundred forty four pounds.
This week, I am on a juice diet, Seven Pounds in Seven Days. It is a diet that my friends in the UK have done and lost weight with. I started day one, ok. Lost two pounds. Day two, I incorporated some flax and wheat crackers, lost two pounds. Day three I went for the slice of pizza and one beer, and GAINED 3 pounds. I originally started the diet on a Friday to protect myself from the weekend. Today is Monday, and I am giving it another whirl will keep you posted.
For more adventures with Wendy visit her column at www.lifewithwendy.com.